March 2009

Two Great Gifts

I have been thinking lately that in addition to God, we have two great gifts in our lives: who we are and who our friends are. No matter where we are at in our lives, whatever we've lost or gained, wherever our emotional, physical, or spiritual reserves are at, these things hold true if we hold true to them.

I've had people dislike me for who I am and others who have appreciated it. One thing I have noticed though, is the people who dislike me usually have deep rivers of darkness in their lives of their own making and are not necessarily people I want to have like me anyway. In fact, I've learned to look at it in a rather affirming way for the darkness runs from the light and I pray that light is a quality that characterizes my life. There are the people who dislike me at first for one reason or another and then change their minds on closer acquaintance by watching how I treat other people. Then there are people like the one I met today while subbing. Having never met each other, we had been talking for a while before he asked about my education. I told him I had a Master's degree from George Fox University and even later, he asked what the degree was in and I answered, "Christian Ministry". He was impressed I hadn't pronounced myself a Christian from the get-go and try to convert him. He told me he has met many Christians who were not kind but who we're in your face about what they believed. He said I had a calm quality about me and he respected me for being me and not putting first who I wanted him to be. Him being an agnostic but raised in the church as he then shared with me, we traded book titles to read. I suggested "The Shack", one of my favorites for the images of God, (yes, I went out an evangelistic twig on that one) and he suggested I read Barack Obama's book, now in paperback. I doubt I will ever meet this man again but I was deeply touched to know that just by being myself, this man was intrigued and the God-seed already in him got a little bit of water. That wasn't my intention, and in fact, I don't go around concentrating on telling people about God, God is already in them and if anything, I just want to see him more in myself. But talking to this man and hearing his feedback taught me that no matter who we meet, who we are is going to speak more loudly than anything else we can say. And again, if we work on our character so others will be "converted", your character I believe, will be shallow for it is rooted in nothing more than your belief that you are right and others are wrong: judgment. However, if character comes out of a relationship with God, where you and God listen and talk to each other, your character will be built on something nourishing and life giving and who you are will be nurturing and life-giving for others as a result. God cares deeply about our character and after my experiences of late, I have a better understanding of why. Just by being ourselves can affect the world in a profound way for good or ill without us ever knowing.

Following closely upon character, is that good character attracts us to other people with good character with whom to form strong bonds of friendship and love. Through thick and thin, the relationships we've nourished will sustain us in turn. I have struggled in my own life with the need of giving in return what has been given to me. But what I have learned is that relationships are not tit for tat, relationships are giving without expecting an equal return. Of course we should have good boundaries and not let people walk all over us and hurt us, but we need to give in our friendships, not as I-give-you-this, you-give-me-that arrows, but as a circle, that in a relationship where both love and esteem each other, love flows all around. Tonight my roommate fixed dinner for herself, her boyfriend, and me. We sat around the table, passed the food around, and chatted about our time in college. That feeling of togetherness and camaraderie is so important to have in our lives.  The friendship we share has been a huge support during these last two years we've shared a home and I am grateful. Then later on in the evening, I got to go out for chai tea with a friend when we shared with each other some of the struggles going on in our lives, including a difficult question affecting us both I have been wrestling with. Though I have to let it remain a hard question and not answer it right now, I know she supports me as I ask it, no matter the difficulties my choice might result in. But knowing I've talked about it with her somehow lightens the load. It's been weighing on me and I'm glad our friendship is strong and one in which there is, in the truest sense, no beginning or end, that our characters are such that love is given first.

So now I just want to thank God for caring so deeply about my character and relationships above all materialistic things. I'm certainly not "there" in the character department, "there" doesn't exist anyway, it's all a journey. But I ache with gratefulness I am taking the journey. And I'm grateful that by being on this journey, I have formed strong bonds with others where love is not given but lived. No matter what happens, what valleys or mountains I traverse, I know these gifts will sustain me and help me find sure footing. Thank you God for knowing what's best and pouring it out on me.