May 2009

"Reaching Out for What You Value"

I had a conversation with someone tonight that made me think more about a theme that has kept coming up lately. Do you have someone in your life you love but who does not make the effort to have a good relationship with you? If you do, you know how much that can hurt. It hurts our sense of worth and I think deep down, our sense of lovableness. It feels like crap to be treated as trash, to know you are being pushed aside. Every day at the schools I see kids who claim their parents don't care about them. I am sure this is not true for all of them but I am even more sure it is true for some, even many. I was grading journals one day when I read an entry that said, "I wish my mom wanted me." It broke my heart.

How stupid can we be to completely forget how important it is to tell our family and friends that they are wanted, enjoyed, beloved? How hard is it to pick up the phone, write the note, send a message? How hard is it to say, "Hey, I miss you. Could we go out for a cup of coffee or tea?" Or to say, "I've been thinking about you, how are you doing, really?" We all have relationships in our lives that are not what we would like them to be. Instead of blaming it on the other person, "They don't call me" or "They never say hello", let me ask you, have YOU called THEM? Have you said hello to THEM? Maybe you haven't talked in a while, maybe there are even hard feelings between you. Have you bothered trying to make that first step instead of waiting for them to do it? Maybe they are waiting on you. Have you told them you care? I can tell you we tend to build our own prisons, we create our own realities. We convince ourselves it's their fault when the trash is in our own yard. Perhaps it is shared, but we need to clean up our own yard before we point out the trash in someone else's. No matter how it happened, or even if it's a good relationship but a tiny bit distant, every person needs to know they are valued by the ones they love.

The value you place on people is shown by your time and effort. And if you're too busy to express that value to them? The time and the effort? That's crap too. What you spend your time on is what you value. The only thing we get to keep from this life is our relationships with each other and if you don't invest in that, you can be rolling in riches and still have nothing. Don't get so wrapped up in your life, you forget what life is for and the important people in it. It breaks my heart to watch people throw away the most important relationships in their lives because they are too busy and don't realize how important they are.

You have no idea the power for good you hold by even the smallest act. That conversation tonight taught me all over again how powerful a sincere "how are you?" can be. You might be the only one who asked. You might be the one who breaks the wall. Who will you see on the other side?

Last Updated: 12/30/2011